We have enjoyed the highs, endured loss and change, shed our tears and moved on, deeper and wiser, still laughing but perhaps more regretfully.  Yet, you can still be Nifty After Fifty and lead a happy and fulfilling life.

Yes, you can be nifty after fifty regardless of all the many changes that will take place in your life.  There may be empty next, menopause, physical, emotional, social and changes but this also can be the best time in your life.  We have left some major mountains behind us and the climb is a whole different thing this time around.

Many of those this age refer to themselves as “baby boomers” .  At what point to we go from mid lifer to elderly?  Since we live so much longer, midlife would have been 30 or 40 years of age not that long ago.  However people are healthier these days and our medical system has given people a new lease on life whether through knee replacement or a heart stint.

The sad truth is that the popular culture in this country has a history of ignoring older women.  In truth, we might have to own up to a certain amount of culpability in that regard.  In the sixities, us boomers essentially created the youth culture and played it for all it was worth.  Now we face our age with a new insight.  However, are age group , especially women is known for sleeping social reforms  and we now can take our destiny in our own hands.

Children are raised and have lives of their own.  We have enjoyed the highs, endured loss and change, shed our tears and moved on, deeper and wiser, still laughing but perhaps more regretfully.

So where do we go from here?  We start by dreaming.  We dig up those little girl dreams that made you starry eyed and blissful.  What do they tell you about yourself.  Can you turn those dreams in to something that can make you feel the same way.  What is the essence of the dream?  Can you transfer that in to something today that will bring you the joy you only dreamed of?

You need to start to celebrate your age.  Step into being fifty or sixty and accept it with a joy of being alive.  Be proud of it because not everyone will make it and you are blessed.  Think about how you want to celebrate all of these birthdays from here on out.  Perhaps fifty or sixty days of doing your favorite things, or visiting people or places you have talked about visiting  over the years.

Now face the face that our bodies are usually are either doing or not doing things we wish they wouldn’t   Whether it is high blood pressure, menopause, arthritis, weight gain or osteoporsis  change  is going to take place.  This is inevitable so accept it and don’t let it get in the way of living your life to the fullest.

So how are you going to find joy at this time of life?  The first thing is to do what matters to you.   Is it spending time with family, is it helping small children,, is it traveling, or is it taking up something you always wanted to learn.  Whatever it is, don’t wait, just do it.

The second thing is look to women who are older that have made it through the transition you are entering.  Pick people who are happy and learn from them on how they made this a good time in their life.  Usually they are people who keep challenging themselves and proving to them that life isn’t over just because you are older.

A third thing you can do is see how you life has evolved over the years and appreciate the wisdom you have received over the years.  I read in an article that the way to do this is to start writing down 10 things you know now that you didn’t know when you were 20.  Then write thank you next to each one.  Add to this list each day, then read it all at the end of each week.  Keep adding to this list each day for the next three months.  This will help you focus on the good things in your life.  This is gratitude and gratitude makes you happy.

Tip 4 is to stay health.  That means stay active, eat right.  Exercise, whether it is walking, biking or classes at a gym.  Staying active is the key to a healthy and happy life style as we get older.

Tip five is one I am personally attached to.  That is don’t worry about your hair color.  Recently I went gray after having several allergic reactions to hair dye.  It was so freeing and such a monetary savings not to have to dye my hair anymore.  So many women continue to dye their hair thinking it makes them look younger when in essence it often doesn’t match the color of their skin and their wrinkles stand out more.  Having black, blond or red hair is not going to make you happy.  Happiness does not lie in your hair color.

My final tip is associate with people in your age group.  By discovering their favorite hobbies, find out how they stay healthy, what inspires them, what their goals are for the next 10 years and what they achieved since being 50 or over.  It helps to learn what makes other people in your age group happy and healthy.  Now I am not saying you shouldn’t have anything to do with people younger than you, but we have more in common with those in are own age group.

This Fall, many women will become “empty nesters,” an expression that typically refers to women whose children leave home, allowing their parents to enter a new phase in their lives.  However, an empty nester can also be a mother who stayed home to take care of her children but, now that they’re all in school, is wondering what to do with herself.

Many women, in fact suffer from a condition called empty-nest syndrome and experience feelings of sadness, loss and confusion.  Those most at risk for empty nest syndrome are women who were full-time parents, who find change difficult, or who are also struggling with aging parents and perhaps going through retirement.  If such feelings apply to you, it can help to realize that this transition period is really no different than when you went off to college, started a career, married, or had children.

Some sadness is very natural when children leave home.  However if your symptoms are excessive-you feel your meaning and usefulness in life is gone, you’re crying excessively, or you start to withdraw from friends and family-then you may be entering serious depression, a condition that requires immediate attention.  In such cases it’s wise to seek professional counseling immediately to get the help you need.

Some women see this period as an opportunity to rediscover who they are and make new choices in life that they either couldn’t or wouldn’t do while their children were at home.  They view it as a fresh start, when they change their focus from being a parent to being a spouse, career person, or simply a good friend.

This is also a good time to have a career or life coach do some self-exploration with you so you can determine where you want to go next.  A coach will work with you in a setting up a plan that helps you begin to identify yourself as someone other than a “Mom” and find out your unique and  special talents and where you can use them.  This process will help you build any self confidence you may have lost and plan for this new found freedom.

A good place to start is with your relationships.  If you have friends who have already gone through this transition, reconnect with them and find out how they managed.  They can be a wonderful source of ideas and support.  Get back together with old friends, as well, because they may be at the same point in life and need the connection as much as you.  Start this process at least a few months before the children leave.

This is also a great time to learn new skills by taking classes.  Perhaps you want to update your computer skills or renew old licensure.  You may want to reconnect with someone in a field you once worked in or move on something new.

Whether or not you worked outside the home or are getting ready to re enter the workforce, you may have done volunteer work.  If you enjoyed volunteering, this is the perfect time to see if those skills could lead to a paying job.  It also may be a time to try a new volunteer position, to see if a difference direction might be the path you want to follow.

The most important thing is to not rush to the next thing simply to fill a void.  You need to take time and consider working with a coach who can help you make the best decisions on what you want to do.  Making a rash decision and choosing the wrong path will waste time and money and can cause enormous frustration.

School may be an option, but don’t go back for the wrong reasons.  Don’t assume that a master’s degree automatically produces a higher salary.  In some professions and markets it may work against you and make you less competitive for a job.  Solid industry experience is often the equivalent of a graduate degree and will increase your chances of getting into the field.  Going back to school is also not a way to avoid doing a job search.  The work experience may well exceed the time and money you spend at school.  This is not to dissuade you from attending school for a particular skill in a career you have researched and chosen; it’s a reminder to take adequate time to explore where you want to go and what is the best way of getting there.

Now is the time to plan for this exciting transition, and it’s the ideal time to contact a coach who can help assure that the next phase of your life will be a fulfilling one.  The sooner you start planning for this stage of your life, the fast you will adapt to your changing circumstances and embrace and make the most of them.

Remember: many women have faced this crossroads and found that it can be a time of discovery, empowerment and joy.

PRINCESS FLYER 2012

This work shop will be one that will help you discover not only how many things you have of value in your life, but how to get the most joy out of life.  In three hours, you will laugh, perhaps cry and form lasting bonds with the other women in the group.  Refreshment will be served.  Find more by reading the flyer.

I know, it is New Years eve and you are thinking about making another one or more of those resolutions that are never successful. This is why I don’t believe in resolutions, they set you up for failure.  What I do believe in is setting goals.  Goals work because they are a plan .  You set a goal and you come up with smaller steps to accomplish it.  You work on one at a time till you get to where you want to go.  Small successes add up and before you know it, you are where you want to be.  Sometimes it helps to have someone to help you not only figure out what your goal is, but help you plan,  encourage and support you along the way.  A coach such as myself can do that.  So don’t set another resolution, call me and let me help you achieve those things you dream about and want.

The Perfect Christmas Gift

Do you want to give the perfect gift for a special woman in your life? Is your wife, daughter, sister, or friend floundering in life and doesn’t know what direction to go in their life or career? Do they lack passion, purpose and fulfillment in their life? Then offer them the gift of coaching. I am offering a Christmas special where I will give a discount to those signing up in December and starting in January. This will be life changing for them and you, so take advantage of it while you can and e mail or call me now.

Joyful Living Speech

Thalia Baptist Church

Virginia Beach

November 12, 2011

2:00 p.m.